Breathe for Calm: Family Emotional Health

by Paula Brunning

Counsellor / Parenting Coach / Career Coach

Breathe for Calm: Family Emotional Health

In today’s fast-paced world, many children and parents feel overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly “on edge.” The good news is that calm can begin with something as simple as a breath. Counsellor & Parenting Coach, Paula Brunning, introduces easy, science-based breathing techniques families can use together to strengthen emotional regulation, reduce stress, and build lifelong resilience.

• Why are breathing techniques important for children?

  Breathing techniques activate the body’s calming system, helping children regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and think more clearly during stressful moments.

• At what age can children start learning breathing exercises?

  Children can begin learning simple breathing techniques as early as preschool age, with methods adapted to their developmental level.

• How often should families practice breathing exercises?

  Daily practice, even for just a few minutes, helps children and parents build emotional resilience and recover more quickly from stress.

• Can breathing exercises help with anxiety and tantrums?

  Yes. Regular breathing practice reduces physiological stress responses, which can lessen anxiety, emotional outbursts, and behavioural difficulties.

• What if my child refuses to try breathing exercises?

  Children are more willing to engage when parents model the practice themselves and present it playfully rather than as a correction or discipline tool.

In this very hurried culture, we can sometimes feel like it’s impossible to catch our breath. Yet creating space in our lives is an essential part of caring for ourselves. As parents we want to ensure we teach our children how to calm themselves and nurture their emotional health alongside other skills.

As an invitation to check in on our wellbeing, this post will explore a few breathing techniques. Literally taking a breath! This can be a fun, informative way to introduce self-care to children and enable families to open conversations about mental health and wellbeing.

Why Teach Breathing to Our Children?

When kids are infants, we help them regulate their emotions by rocking them, using a soothing voice, or rubbing their back. As they grow, we offer opportunities to co-regulate, helping them calm down by doing things alongside them. A common phrase we use is ”take a breath, slow down.” Breathing is a science-backed method that can help shift our bodies from a distressed state to a calmer one, allowing us to explain, problem-solve, or make decisions with greater control. Teaching our kids to use breathing as a tool can be very empowering.

Breathing works for all ages, but if your child has a respiratory condition like severe asthma, consult with your doctor first.

We don’t always know why we or our children feel anxious or stressed, unless we reflect on the underlying thought patterns—like feeling rejected by a friend, dreading a difficult task, or feeling overwhelmed by a demand that feels threatening to our autonomy. However, we do know that the body responds with common symptoms such as muscle tension, increased heart rate, “butterflies” in the stomach, or sweaty palms.

These physiological responses are explained nicely in a post on the Yale School of Medicine which summarizes research, explaining “...our vagus nerve, which runs from the base of our brain and branches out to our organs, serves as a conduit of chemicals/hormones that are activated automatically/reflexively by our sympathetic nervous system and result in the stress response that is often described as the fight or flight response. This is an involuntary and adaptive process that increases our respiration and blood flow to prepare our bodies for quick and protective action, such as fighting or fleeing.”

When we’re in this sympathetic state, it can feel like our brains are temporarily hijacked, making it hard to think clearly, make decisions, or act calmly.

How Breathing Helps

Deep breathing counters this stress response by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body and helps us regain focus. Once we’re calmer, we can make better choices, ones that are not reactive, and that manage our emotions more effectively including our voices and behaviors in ways that are safe and respectful. Understanding that our children’s bodies are simply responding as they’re designed to during stress allows us to guide them toward healthy regulation with effective techniques that support both their wellbeing—and ours too.

When practiced regularly, intentional breathing can help us recover more quickly from upsets, worries, and unexpected changes in life. Studies show that children and teens are facing higher levels of stress and anxiety, with pressure from academic demands, peer expectations, and constant information overload. The American Psychological Association reports that over 20% of youth worldwide struggle with anxiety symptoms. Persistent, irrational worries can interfere with daily life, leading to restless sleep, physical discomfort, emotional outbursts, and the need for constant reassurance.

Breathing is a simple, accessible technique for coping with stress and anxiety. It doesn’t require props, works for all ages (including us adults), and can be done together to help co-regulate. When parents model these practices, they demonstrate that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes and that there are tools to manage difficult moments. In short, teaching children breathing techniques is a proven way to support emotional health, reduce stress, and help everyone feel calmer.

Two Simple Breathing Techniques

Here are two effective breathing techniques you can teach your child, with variations for different movements and locations:

Hand Breathing

Hold one hand up and use the index finger of your other hand to slowly trace from the base of your thumb. Breathe in as you trace each finger up, and breathe out as you trace down. Encourage slow, deep breathing as you move along each finger.

Square Breathing

Square breathing follows a pattern of four:

• Breathe in for a count of 4.

• Hold for a count of 4.

• Breathe out for a count of 4.

• Hold again for a count of 4.

This can be done in different ways:

Square in the Air:

Trace a square in the air while counting out loud. Start slowly to demonstrate.

Walk a Square:

This is a fun variation, especially for younger children. Mark out a square using tape, playing cards, or small toys. The child can walk the square while breathing according to the pattern.

Square on the Table:

Use a table to track the breath with tactile feedback. Place stickers or tape in the shape of a square. Start in the lower-left corner, tracing up to breathe in for 4 counts, across to hold for 4 counts, down to breathe out for 4 counts, and finish by holding for 4 counts. This method works well in classrooms, restaurants, or other seated environments.

Why Breathing is Important

Breathing techniques aren’t just for kids—they’re also used by professionals in high-stress environments, such as military personnel and first responders. When kids realize that adults use deep breathing to manage stress and focus, they may be more willing to try it themselves. By teaching children these techniques, we acknowledge that distress is a normal part of life and can be managed in healthy ways. These simple exercises are accessible to anyone, and I hope you find them useful and worth trying.

Nurturing emotional health in our children takes persistent effort so they become capable of managing the stresses that life presents. However, it can be difficult to teach your child to deal with anxiety and stress if such problems look way too familiar to you. So, as a concerned parent, don’t hesitate to seek coaching or counseling support to empower yourself and gain the guidance you need to support yourself and your child. The Counselling Place is here to help. Book a session with me.