Between Worlds: Finding Yourself in a New Country

by Soolin Choi

Counsellor / Parenting Coach / Career Coach

Between Worlds: Finding Yourself in a New Country

Moving abroad is more than a change of address—it’s a profound shift in identity, relationships, and belonging. While it can open doors to growth and adventure, it can also stir up loneliness, grief, and self-doubt. Counsellor, Soolin Choi, explores the emotional landscape of cross-cultural life and how therapy can help you navigate the in-between.

• Why do I feel lost after moving abroad?

  Moving disrupts routines, relationships, and familiar roles, often triggering unexpected grief or identity questions.

• Is it normal to feel lonely as an expat?

  Yes—loneliness is common in cross-cultural transitions, even when surrounded by people, and deserves care and attention.

• How can counselling or therapy help during relocation?

  Counselling or therapy offers a nonjudgmental space to process emotions, explore identity, and build new routines that align with your values.

Relocating to a new country can be exhilarating—an opportunity for reinvention, adventure, and personal growth. But beneath the Instagram-worthy snapshots of exotic meals and picturesque sunsets, there’s often a quieter, more complex emotional journey unfolding.

Living cross-culturally brings profound shifts—not only in environment but also in identity, relationships, and sense of belonging. It’s a journey that can enrich us, but it can also stir up unexpected grief, confusion, or loneliness. And perhaps most unsettling of all, we may start to wonder: Who am I here, now that everything familiar is gone?

You Brought More Than Just Your Luggage

One of the most common myths about moving abroad is the idea that it offers a clean slate. While there’s truth to the freedom that comes with geographic distance, it’s not the whole story.

The reality is, wherever you go, you bring yourself—your patterns, values, insecurities, and history. A move might temporarily quiet familiar stressors, but it can also amplify unresolved feelings or unearth parts of yourself that you haven’t fully understood. In the absence of familiar routines and relationships, those hidden parts may now take center stage.

For some, this is a gift. For others, it’s destabilizing.

“I Thought I’d Be Happy Here”

A surprising number of people feel disappointed after relocating—especially when the move was voluntary or driven by dreams of a “better” life. You might have envisioned more balance, more joy, or more time for yourself. But instead, you find yourself overwhelmed, under-connected, or emotionally flat.

This sense of disillusionment isn’t uncommon. When the excitement of the move wears off, you’re left with the quieter work of rebuilding your life—navigating cultural differences, forming new relationships, and re-establishing routines. That process takes energy, patience, and emotional resilience.

It’s okay to grieve the version of life you left behind, even if this move was your choice. Emotional complexity doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision—it just means you’re human.

The Identity Puzzle: Who Are You, Really?

One of the more subtle challenges of living abroad is how your sense of self is constantly being reshaped. You might have been confident and articulate in your home country, but suddenly feel clumsy or muted in a new language or culture. Or you may notice that roles and labels you used to rely on—daughter, professional, friend—don’t quite fit the same way anymore.

These changes can provoke self-doubt or even a sense of identity loss. But they can also create room for reinvention.

Instead of viewing identity as fixed, it can help to see it as something fluid—something you carry and evolve, rather than something you lose or find. Your values, memories, and sense of meaning don’t disappear just because your surroundings have changed. They may look different now, but they’re still yours.

Loneliness in a Crowd

Another common emotional experience for expats is loneliness—even when you’re surrounded by people. Cross-cultural living can make it harder to find your people—those who “get” you without explanation. Small talk can feel exhausting. Cultural misunderstandings can leave you second-guessing your tone or intentions.

And then there’s the time lag. While your friends and family back home might still love you, they don’t always understand what you’re going through now. And you might struggle to explain it.

This loneliness isn’t a reflection of your worth or your social skills—it’s a normal part of transition. But it does deserve attention. Left unspoken, it can grow into something heavier, like resentment or disconnection.

Finding spaces where you can show up fully—without having to explain your accent, your background, or your grief—can be deeply healing.

Holding the “In-Between”

Perhaps the most challenging (and liberating) truth about living cross-culturally is this: you may never feel fully “at home” again—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Many expats describe a liminal identity—no longer fully belonging to one place, but not entirely fitting into the new one either. This “in-between” space can be disorienting, but it can also be rich with insight. It allows you to see multiple perspectives, hold contradictions, and develop a deeper understanding of yourself and others.

Instead of striving to fit perfectly into one culture or another, you might come to embrace the complexity of your experience—the hybridity of your identity, the depth of your empathy, and the resilience you’ve developed along the way.

How Counselling or Therapy Can Help

Counselling or Therapy isn’t just for moments of crisis. It can also be a space for reflection, exploration, and re-anchoring—especially during transitions like relocation.

Working with a counsellor, psychologist, or psychotherapist who understands cross-cultural dynamics can offer:

• A space to process emotional highs and lows without judgment

• Tools for navigating cultural adjustment, stress, or loneliness

• A chance to explore identity shifts and rediscover personal meaning

• Support in building new routines and relationships in a way that aligns with your values

Sometimes, what we need most is a space to untangle our thoughts out loud. To name the confusion. To validate the grief. To notice the growth we might have missed while trying to keep it all together.

Whether you’re struggling or simply curious to understand yourself better in this new context, counselling or therapy can help make sense of the complexity—without asking you to change who you are.

If you’re adjusting to life in a new country, know this: you don’t have to navigate it alone. Book in a session with me to explore counselling or therapy tailored to your unique cross-cultural experience.