Little People, Big Emotions: How to Support Your Child’s Emotional Development
Clinical Psychologist / Organizational Psychologist / Parenting Coach
Little People, Big Emotions: How to Support Your Child’s Emotional Development
Parenting is full of surprises — from joyful milestones to emotional meltdowns over the “wrong” sandwich cut. In this blog, psychologist & parenting coach, Stacey explores why children experience such big emotions, how parents can support them with empathy and calm, and why these moments are essential for raising resilient, emotionally healthy humans.
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Children’s brains are still developing, especially the areas that regulate emotion. To them, small problems feel big because they lack the tools to manage feelings yet.
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Focus on co-regulation. Stay nearby, offer calm presence, and help them return to baseline before trying to reason or explain.
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Teach feelings like you teach colors or numbers — name them, talk about them, and use everyday moments to model healthy coping.
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Repair matters most. Apologize, name your feelings, and show that relationships can be repaired — it’s a powerful teaching moment.
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No. Compassionate boundaries teach safety and respect. You can acknowledge feelings while guiding behavior: “I know you’re upset, but I can’t let you hit.”
Parenting often starts with dreamy Pinterest boards and curated baby names, but it quickly evolves into something more raw, unpredictable, and emotionally demanding. One minute you’re cheering on your toddler for eating a spoonful of peas, and the next you’re calming them through a full-scale meltdown over the colour of their socks. Just this morning a heartwarming goodbye turned into a bowl of milk and cereal on the cupboard, floor and kitchen walls. What really happened? She was upset to see Papa going off to work and all she craved for was connection and attention. These tiny humans are bursting with big emotions, and navigating those moments can feel like defusing a bomb with oven mitts.
The phrase “little people, big emotions” might sound tongue-in-cheek, but for parents and caregivers, it’s a lived truth. Children’s struggles, though small in scale to the adult world, are very real to them. What may seem irrational to us like refusing to wear a jacket because it “feels like a cloud,” or crying inconsolably because a sandwich was cut the “wrong way”, is a window into their developing emotions.
Let’s explore how to understand and respond to our children’s big emotions, and why helping them navigate these early experiences is one of the most important (and challenging) parts of parenting.
Why Are Children’s Emotions So Intense?
Children are not born with fully developed brains. In fact, the areas responsible for emotional regulation, such as the prefrontal cortex, are still under construction well into their twenties. What this means is that a child’s ability to understand, express, and regulate feelings is limited. They feel emotions deeply, but don’t yet have the tools to manage them.
Add to that a child’s lack of vocabulary, limited sense of time, and dependency on adults, and you’ve got a perfect storm for emotional outbursts. For children, emotional dysregulation isn’t about manipulation or defiance, it’s about being overwhelmed. I too have felt that guilt of blaming them for manipulating me when in reality, they are just misunderstood.
Their world is full of “firsts,” their bodies are constantly growing, and their sense of control is minimal. That’s a lot to deal with when you’re three feet tall. Imagine the anxiety of your first day at a new job, of your first solo trip or plane ride or of your first relationship. Now imagine all of that happening in the span of one day, over and over again. That is a lot of emotions to contain and regulate.
Reframing “Big Problems”
As adults, it’s easy to dismiss children’s issues because they seem small from our perspective. But to them, these problems are big. That lost toy, that unfair turn-taking, that scary shadow. They feel real and urgent. One of the most powerful tools a parent has is empathy.
When we validate a child’s feelings rather than dismiss them by replacing, “It’s not a big deal”, with instead “That was really disappointing,” we communicate that their emotions matter. This builds trust and lays the groundwork for emotional intelligence. Children who feel heard are more likely to calm down and less likely to escalate.
Emotional Literacy: Teaching the Language of Feelings
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the vocabulary to name and understand their emotions. Just like we teach colours, numbers, and shapes, we can teach feelings: “You look frustrated,” “I see you’re feeling left out,” or “That made you so happy!”
Books, emotion cards, and simple reflection conversations at bedtime (“What made you smile today? What made you feel upset?”) help children recognise and label their experiences. Over time, this emotional literacy becomes the foundation for self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy for others.
When You Lose It
Let’s be honest, parenting is hard. No one has endless patience, and even the most intentional caregivers will snap, yell, or say something they regret. When we’re running on empty, stressed about work, or overwhelmed by the noise and mess of daily life, it’s easy to become reactive.
The key here is repair. After a rupture, whether it’s shouting, slamming a door, or walking away, what matters most is how you come back. Being vulnerable yourself and admitting when you were in the wrong. Saying, “I got really angry earlier and I’m sorry for yelling. You didn’t deserve that. Let’s try again,” teaches your child two crucial lessons: that emotions are normal, and that relationships can be repaired.
Emotional Coaching in Everyday Life
You don’t have to wait for a meltdown to teach emotional skills. Everyday moments offer dozens of opportunities for gentle coaching. When your child is upset because their tower fell, or they lost at a game, sit with them. Help them name the feeling, talk through it, and brainstorm a way forward. Over time, this builds resilience and problem-solving abilities.
You can also use your own emotional experiences as teaching tools. “I felt so stressed at work today, so I took a few deep breaths. It helped.” These moments model healthy coping strategies and normalise emotional self-care.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion
Supporting big emotions doesn’t mean letting children do whatever they want. In fact, consistent and loving boundaries create a sense of safety. A child who hits when angry needs to be stopped but not shamed. “I see you’re very upset, but I won’t let you hit. Let’s find another way to show your feelings.”
Compassionate discipline is about teaching, not punishing. It’s grounded in respect for the child’s emotions and for others’ safety. This balance fosters both empathy and accountability.
Self-Care for the Caregivers
Supporting little people with big emotions requires emotional energy, and LOTS of it. Caregivers need rest, support, and space to process their own feelings. Whether it’s a walk alone, a vent session with a friend, or counselling or therapy, prioritising your well-being isn’t selfish, it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. A quote I read recently that perfectly depicts this situation is “Give them the best of you and not the rest of you”.
Joining parenting communities, reading books on emotional development, or simply reminding yourself that you’re doing your best can help ease the guilt and frustration that often accompany this journey.
Raising Emotionally Resilient Humans
At its core, parenting through big emotions isn’t just about surviving tantrums or avoiding drama. It’s about nurturing children who feel safe to express themselves, who can name their feelings, and who develop the tools to face life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Yes, their problems may seem small, and their emotions may feel enormous. But these early years lay the foundation for a lifetime of emotional health. By meeting our children with patience, empathy, and consistency, we’re not just managing behaviour, we’re shaping resilient, self-aware, and compassionate humans.
And that, perhaps, is the biggest thing of all.
Need support navigating your child’s big emotions? Book a parenting coaching session with me at The Counselling Place and build emotional resilience together.