How to Support your Partner Through an Alcohol Use Issue
by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor
Understanding Alcohol Abuse
Alcohol misuse or Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a chronic condition characterised by an inability to control drinking despite negative consequences, and continuing use even when it impacts health, relationships, or work.
Some common signs that drinking may have crossed into misuse or dependence include:
Strong urges/compulsions to drink; difficulty controlling the amount or frequency.
Physical withdrawal or symptoms when not drinking (e.g. nausea, sweating, anxiety, shakiness).
Hiding alcohol use, drinking alone, or lying about consumption.
Neglecting responsibilities at home, work, or socially because of drinking or being hungover.
What partners need to remember is that Alcohol Use Disorder is often not simply a “choice” or lack of will-power—it involves biological, psychological, and social factors.
Risk Factors
There are several well-established risk factors that can increase a person’s likelihood of developing alcohol use disorder.
People who begin drinking at an early age.
Individuals with a parent or close relative who has problems with alcohol.
Mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or other psychiatric disorders significantly raise risk for misuse, as individuals may self-medicate or find difficulty regulating use.
Environmental and social factors, such as having peers or a social network that drink heavily, exposure to trauma, or growing up in settings with unstable socio-economic conditions.
Patterns of drinking itself. Heavy drinking or frequent binge-drinking behaviors increase the chance of developing dependence over time.
How Many Drinks is Too Many?
In Singapore, guidelines indicate that for regular, low-risk consumption the limit is two standard drinks per day for men and one standard drink per day for women, as recommended by Ministry of Health. Exceeding these guidelines, especially if done frequently or heavily in single occasions, raises the risk of health issues and social harms.
Long-Term Risks of Alcohol Use Disorder
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Over time, alcohol misuse can lead to serious conditions like liver disease, (including cirrhosis), high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and other chronic conditions.
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Alcohol is a known carcinogen and is linked to a higher risk of several cancers, including mouth, throat, liver, breast and digestive tract cancers
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Long-term alcohol misuse can impair memory and brain function, and can lead to dependency, addiction, and difficulties quitting.
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Alcohol problems often go hand in hand with increased risk of depression, anxiety, and can exacerbate pre-existing mental health conditions.
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AUD can affect a person’s job performance, relationships, and financial stability; it may result in social isolation or difficulties fulfilling responsibilities.
Strategies to Support Your Partner
Supporting a partner through alcohol misuse is challenging, but your attitude and actions can make a real difference. Here are ways you can help:
1. Educate Yourself & Approach with Empathy
Start by educating yourself about Alcohol Use Disorder. Learn the signs, treatment options, and what recovery may involve. That foundation of knowledge will enable you to approach your partner with understanding rather than judgment. When you decide to talk to them, choose a moment when they are sober and you both have the opportunity to talk calmly and without distractions, avoiding attempts to raise the issue right after or during drinking. Use “I” statements to express how certain behaviors affect you (like “I’ve noticed…” or “I’m worried because…”) rather than using accusatory language. This approach helps frame the conversation in care and concern, making it more likely to be receptive rather than defensive.
You can read more about AUD on our blog: Hidden Dangers of Alcohol Misuse and Gaining Control over Alcohol
2. Encourage Treatment & Offer Help
If you’re concerned about your partner’s alcohol use, suggest that they see a doctor or GP to discuss the matter. Treatment for AUD may involve counselling, therapy, or specialist support. Offer concrete help by researching appropriate treatment programs or support services on behalf of your partner—this may include local or national services. At the same time, prepare for resistance: change often takes time, and even if your partner isn’t ready to accept help now, it does not mean you’ve failed. Remind them you’re there when they are ready, continue offering support, and respect their autonomy throughout the process.
3. Set Boundaries & Avoid Enabling
Avoid behaviors that inadvertently enable drinking—like covering up problems, making excuses, or hiding someone’s use from friends or work. Instead, establish and communicate clear boundaries around what behaviors you can tolerate, and be consistent and respectful when doing so. Supporting someone doesn’t mean accepting harmful behavior. Alongside boundaries, use positive reinforcement: when your partner shows progress, makes healthier decisions, or reduces drinking, acknowledge those changes and support them. Encouragement can build motivation, but must be balanced so it doesn’t feel coercive.
4. Communicate & Plan Together
Work with your partner to create a plan together—this might cover social events, family gatherings, daily routines, or moments that can trigger stress or alcohol use. Ask your partner how best you can support them: perhaps by attending medical appointments or helping with practical tasks, and listen to what they find helpful versus what they feel pressures them. Be patient in this process because recovery often involves both progress and setbacks. Celebrate small successes, and be prepared to adapt your plans or boundaries when things shift so that the support framework remains realistic and sustainable for both of you.
Supporting Yourself
It's easy to overlook your own needs when you’re focused on your partner’s wellbeing, but self-care is crucial for both of you:
Seek emotional support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups in your area. Sharing your experience and feelings can prevent burnout and isolation.
Access professional counselling or therapy: A trained mental health professional can help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies without feeling guilty or over-responsible.
Learn about family-focused treatment support: In Victoria (Australia), treatment services often include family and peer support options, engaging families in assessment and recovery planning.
Maintain your boundaries: Respecting your own limits helps you stay balanced and able to support—not enable—your partner.
Focus on your wellbeing: Regular exercise, sufficient sleep, healthy eating, and stress-management activities can help you stay resilient.
When to Seek Professional Help
There are times when it’s essential to seek external, professional help beyond what you or loved ones can provide.
Signs It’s Time to Get Help
Your partner’s safety or health is at risk due to their drinking (frequent black-outs, withdrawal symptoms, or unsafe behaviour).
Attempts to reduce or quit have resulted in severe physical or psychological withdrawal requiring medical supervision.
Your relationship or home environment has become unsafe or emotionally harmful due to alcohol misuse.
Your partner consistently avoids discussing the issue or denies the problem, despite ongoing concern or consequences.
You find that you’re unable to maintain your own mental health or safety while trying to support your partner.
What Help Looks Like
There are many different paths to seeking help. Recommended starting points include:
Confine in family members or close friends for emotional support.
Consult a GP for assessment and treatment planning. The GP can refer to specialists or substance-use services.
Use national support hotlines (e.g. National Addictions Management Service (NAMS) - 6732 6837)
Participate in individual or couple’s therapy, which involve training partners to support recovery positively.
Explore recovery groups and peer-led programs for both your partner and yourself.
Conclusion
Supporting a partner with alcohol misuse is rarely straightforward and it’s not your responsibility to “fix” the situation alone. But you can make a difference by educating yourself, approaching them with empathy, setting clear boundaries, and seeking support for yourself. Maintaining open, honest, and non-judgmental communication will help build trust and give your partner space to choose recovery. And when things feel too heavy, know that professional resources and community network help are available.
Recovery isn’t linear, and setbacks do happen. But with persistence, understanding, and shared willingness, healing and healthier relationships are absolutely possible, for both of you.
About the author
Anne is a a compassionate and experienced counsellor at The Counselling Place Singapore, who empowers her clients to thrive amidst life's challenges. Her expertise across Singapore and Australia spans mental health, career coaching, and multicultural dynamics, informed by her own expat experience and diverse family background.
Anne creates a warm and non-judgmental space for growth and transformation. Her empathetic approach supports individuals, families, and expats navigating life's challenges and transitions