Doing It All—At What Cost?
Counsellor / Parenting Coach
Doing It All—At What Cost?
In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, busyness often masquerades as success. We cram our calendars, juggle endless responsibilities, and convince ourselves that overwhelm is proof we’re managing life well. Yet many clients in counselling and therapy share the same story: exhaustion, anxiety, and disconnection—despite staying “busy.” Beneath this constant overdrive lie patterns that may sabotage wellbeing: avoidant coping, inefficient multitasking, and overscheduling. Let’s unpack how these habits affect mental health with Counsellor, Lim Swee Chen, and how small mindful shifts can bring clarity and balance.
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Busyness often masks avoidance. Constant activity distracts temporarily but doesn’t resolve underlying emotions, leading to stress and anxiety.
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Research shows multitasking reduces efficiency and increases mistakes. Mindful single-tasking supports productivity and mental clarity.
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Ask yourself: “Do I feel calmer or just numb afterwards?” Adaptive strategies bring renewal; avoidant strategies only distract.
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Start by saying “no” to non-essential commitments and leaving intentional space for rest, reflection, and connection.
In our fast-paced, hyper-connected society, being busy often masquerades as being effective. We cram our schedules, juggle responsibilities, and fill every minute with activity—convincing ourselves that our overwhelm means we’re managing life well. Yet many clients in counselling or therapy express feelings of exhaustion, anxiety, and disconnection—even while staying “busy.” Often, beneath that busyness lie coping strategies that may not truly support wellbeing, inefficient multitasking habits, and overstructured routines that leave no room to breathe.
Let’s explore three common patterns—adaptive versus avoidant coping, the myth of multitasking, and overscheduling—to understand how they differ, and how small shifts can create more clarity and meaningful balance.
1. Coping Strategies: Comforting vs. Avoidant
Coping strategies are tools we use to navigate stress, regulate emotions, and move through difficult times. When used with intention, they offer soothing, connection, and insight—like:
Going for a walk to clear your head
Talking with someone you trust
Writing in a journal
Practising grounded breathing
Engaging in creative pursuits like drawing or listening to music
These are adaptive coping strategies—they help us process what we’re facing.
However, coping doesn’t always support healing. Sometimes what looks like coping is actually avoidance in disguise. Examples include:
Keeping overly busy to avoid grief or discomfort
Scrolling endlessly as a distraction
Filling every slot in the diary so there’s no time to sit quietly
We often feel safer when distracted—but that safety is temporary, while emotional build-up continues.
Reflect:
Am I using this strategy to face or to avoid what I feel?
Do I feel calmer afterwards or just numb?
Is this self-care, or am I running from discomfort?
Distraction can help momentarily—but if it never invites reflection or change, its usefulness may be limited. Healthy coping helps us stay present in our experiences, even the difficult ones, and build resilience over time.
2. The Myth of Multitasking: Are You Multitasking—or Toggling Mindfully?
Multitasking seems admirable. We check emails during meetings, juggle errands while chatting, flick between tasks like browser tabs. Yet neuroscience shows our brains cannot truly multitask—we simply switch tasks rapidly, and each switch reduces our efficiency.
A pivotal study by Rubinstein, Meyer and Evans (2001) found that shifting between tasks introduces a “switching cost” that can reduce productivity by up to 40%, especially when tasks are complex or unfamiliar. Each switch takes your brain time to reset—loading new rules, inhibiting old ones, and adjusting attention. Over time, those tiny delays add up to significant time lost.
Multitasking also contributes to what psychologists call “attention residue”: part of your mind remains fixated on the previous task, making full engagement with the next one harder. This leads to more mistakes, slower completion, and mental fatigue.
So rather than asking, “Can I multitask?”, a wiser question might be:
“Are you multitasking—or can you toggle mindfully between tasks?”
Mindful toggling means:
Doing one task at a time
Pausing briefly between tasks to close one mentally before starting the next
Minimising distractions, such as unnecessary alerts
Ensuring your shifts are deliberate—not reactive
This approach honours your brain’s limits, supports mental clarity, and keeps you present in your work and your relationships.
3. Overscheduling: When a Busy Life Leaves You Hollow
Being organised and structured can be beneficial—a framework for productivity and peace of mind. But an overscheduled life, without margins for rest or spontaneity, can backfire.
Overscheduling often looks like:
Booking back-to-back commitments with zero downtime
Saying “yes” to every project, social obligation, or task
Filling evenings and weekends with errands, chores, or obligations
Feeling guilty during unstructured or quiet moments
While planning provides structure, over-planning suffocates flexibility. It can block access to reflection, creativity, stillness, and connection. Clients often confess that their busyness masks deeper avoidance—they’re running from thoughts, feelings, or fears—but that pace eventually leads to exhaustion, burnout, and disconnection.
When everything is scheduled, we lose sight of:
What truly brings us renewal
How we wish to engage with others
Whether we’re acting from care or obligation
Pause and consider:
What would I do today if productivity wasn’t the goal?
Am I acting from fear (of missing out, failing, judgement) or care for myself?
Where can I deliberately leave space—for rest, for reflection, for simply being?
Leaving space isn’t laziness—it’s wise stewardship of energy and mental health.
Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is pause.
Integration: Walking the Path from Overdrive to Alignment
There’s no shame in busyness or in using coping strategies or toggling between tasks—it’s how we navigate modern life. But without awareness, these patterns can undermine our wellbeing.
Intentional Coping:
Choose strategies that help you process—like talking, journalling, walking—not just distract.
Mindful Task Toggling:
Respect your brain’s switching cost. Focus on one task at a time, with pauses before transitions.
Balanced Scheduling:
Embrace openness. Allow for rest, connection, creativity—not just productivity.
If you’ve found yourself stuck in these cycles, you’re not alone. We’re not taught how to rest, or how to say no. But we can learn to prioritise presence over pressure, clarity over chaos, and intention over impulse.
As you move through your day, ask yourself:
Am I coping—or am I avoiding?
Am I multitasking—or toggling mindfully?
Is my life driven by fullness—or by flow and meaning?
Small changes in awareness can lead to big shifts in how we live and feel.
Closing Reflection
Busyness isn’t a virtue in itself—but clarity, intention, and presence are. It’s not about doing more—it’s about doing what matters, with attention and care. By recognising the difference between distraction and healing, between frenetic toggling and mindful focus, and between busy schedules and spacious living, we can shift from momentum-driven living to meaning-centred living. Even five minutes of intentional pause can be a powerful step toward reclaiming balance.
If you’d like support disentangling these patterns in your own life, a counsellor or psychologist at The Counselling Place can help you explore what lies beneath your rushing, and guide you toward a sustainable pace rooted in purpose and presence. You don’t have to navigate it alone—small, mindful changes can make a lasting difference.