The Five Love Languages in Therapy: Real Counselling Stories That Transform Relationships
by Jenny Giam
Counsellor / Parenting Coach
The Five Love Languages in Therapy: Real Counselling Stories That Transform Relationships
Many couples don’t struggle because love is missing — they struggle because love is expressed differently. In counselling practice, the Five Love Languages often reveal why partners feel misunderstood despite good intentions. These real-life counselling stories by Counsellor, Jenny Giam, show how small shifts in emotional communication can transform connection, trust, and intimacy.
Love is not only about saying “I love you.” It is about expressing care and love in ways that can be received, understood, and felt.
In his well-known framework, Gary Chapman describes five primary ways people experience love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. The Five Love Languages are a relationship framework describing how people express and receive emotional connection through words, actions, time, gifts, and touch. In counselling, they help partners understand why love can feel mismatched even when intentions are genuine.
In my work in relationship counselling in Singapore, I often see how misunderstandings arise not from a lack of love—but from a mismatch in love languages. The following stories (shared in composite form to protect confidentiality, *all names are not real) illustrate how these differences have an impact on the relationships.
1. Words of Affirmation ✨
When Andy* and Mary* first started dating, Andy frequently surprised Mary with flowers and thoughtful gifts. Yet he noticed that she did not seem as delighted and excited as he expected. Feeling puzzled, he decided to talk with her openly.
Mary gently shared,
“I appreciate the flowers and gifts. But what makes me feel closest to you is when you tell me what I mean to you.”
Andy realised something important: while he was expressing love through gifts, Mary primarily received love through words. From then on, he intentionally voiced his appreciation:
• “I’m grateful for how you make time for us.”
• “I appreciate how you always listen when I need to talk.”
• “The meals that you have prepared for me are really delicious and I love them all.”
Over time, Mary felt more secure and emotionally connected.
Counselling insight:
For some individuals, verbal affirmation builds emotional safety. Encouraging partners to express appreciation regularly can significantly deepen intimacy.
Reflection:
For those who value words, a heartfelt sentence can mean more than a dozen roses.
2. Acts of Service 🛠️
Leon* and Sarah* had been married for years. Sarah did not long for gifts or dramatic romance. Like many clients in busy professional environments, what weighed on her daily was exhaustion. After work, she returned home to a messy kitchen and piles of laundry.
One evening, Leon surprised her—not with a present—but by cleaning the house and preparing dinner for her. When Sarah walked in after a long day at work, she was surprised and she started tearing up.
“This means more to me than anything you could buy,” she said.
From that day forward, Leon made small acts of service part of his daily routine: taking out the trash, handling errands, sharing household responsibilities. Sarah felt supported and valued.
Counselling insight:
For individuals whose love language is acts of service, practical support communicates care. Shared responsibilities can reduce resentment and foster partnership.
Reflection:
For some, love is demonstrated through action—by easing life’s daily burdens.
3. Receiving Gifts 🎁
When Lisa* was studying overseas at university, she often felt homesick. Her mother, understanding her daughter well, sent care packages filled with her favourite snacks, handwritten notes, and small personal items. Every time when Lisa received the parcel, she teared up as all these gifts really meant a lot to her.
Years later, Lisa reflected,
“It was not about the items. It was knowing my mum was thinking of me.”
Now married, Lisa continues this practice of giving gifts. She surprises her husband with small, meaningful tokens—a book he once mentioned, a handwritten note, or his favourite snack after a long day at work.
Counselling insight:
For those who value receiving gifts, tangible symbols serve as reminders of love and thoughtfulness. The emotional meaning behind the gift matters more than its price.
Reflection:
A small, thoughtful gesture can become a powerful reminder: You matter. I was thinking of you.
4. Quality Time ⏳
Jane* and Henry* have been married for years and were both successful professionals. However, Henry frequently worked late. Although he often told Jane he loved her, she began feeling distant.
One evening she expressed,
“I don’t need more words. I need more time with you.”
Henry took it to heart. He began setting aside Sunday afternoons just for them—no phones, no work, just intentional presence. They spent time walking in the park, prepared their meals together, talked, and reconnected.
Years later, they both recognised those Sundays as the glue that sustained their relationship during busy seasons.
Counselling insight:
For individuals who value quality time, undivided attention communicates love more than words or gifts. Presence builds emotional attunement.
Reflection:
For some, love is spelled T-I-M-E.
5. Physical Touch 🤝
When Mark* was retrenched, he struggled with self-doubt and discouragement. His wife, Claire*, did not try to fix the situation with solutions or long speeches. Instead, she sat beside him, held his hand, and embraced him often.
Later, Mark shared,
“Her hug reminded me I was not alone. Even when everything felt like it was falling apart, I felt supported.”
For Mark, physical closeness provided reassurance and grounding.
Counselling insight:
For those whose primary language is physical touch, appropriate and affectionate touch fosters security, connection, and calm.
Reflection:
Sometimes, a hug speaks louder than words.
What These Stories Tell Us
In counselling or therapy, couples often say, “But I am showing love.” And often, they truly are. The difficulty lies in translation.
The Five Love Languages remind us:
• A spouse who thrives on words of affirmation may need daily encouragement.
• A partner who values acts of service may feel loved when responsibilities are shared.
• A friend who treasures receiving gifts may light up at thoughtful surprises.
• A child who craves quality time may need undistracted attention.
• A parent who values physical touch may feel connected through hugs and closeness.
Love is not about giving what we prefer to give. It is about learning what the other person most truly needs to receive.
Food for thought:
The Five Love Languages offer more than relationship advice—they provide a framework for empathy.
They invite us to:
• Observe how our loved ones respond to different expressions of care.
• Listen carefully to what makes them feel appreciated.
• Adapt our expressions of love accordingly.
Love is not only about intention. It is also about translation.
When we learn to speak the emotional language of those we care about, we do not merely maintain relationships—we nurture and strengthen them.
And perhaps, in the process, we learn to feel more loved ourselves as well.
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The Five Love Languages describe different ways people experience emotional connection, often used in therapy to improve communication and understanding between partners.
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Yes. Understanding a partner’s emotional needs can reduce misunderstandings and increase intimacy when applied consistently.
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Many therapists integrate the framework as a communication tool alongside evidence-based relationship counselling approaches.
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No single language is superior. Therapy helps couples identify and balance each partner’s emotional preferences.
If you find yourself loving deeply but still feeling misunderstood, counselling can help translate emotional needs into meaningful connection. Book a confidential session with me at The Counselling Place Singapore to explore healthier ways of relating and communicating.
Reference List Entry
• Chapman, G. D. (1992). The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Northfield Publishing