I’ve Always Felt Different. Could It Be Autism or ADHD?
Counsellor / Parenting Coach
I’ve Always Felt Different. Could It Be Autism or ADHD?
Many adults spend years feeling different, overwhelmed or out of step with others. Counsellor, Lim Swee Chen, explores how autism and ADHD can show up in adulthood, why they are often missed, and when it may be worth seeking professional support.
“I’ve never quite fitted in.”
“People always think I’m difficult.”
“I’m exhausted from trying to act normal.”
Many adults carry these thoughts quietly for years. They may have been described as too sensitive, too intense, too forgetful, too quiet or too much. Others may feel as though everyday life requires far more effort than it seems to for everyone else.
In recent years, more adults have begun recognising Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) later in life. Some start questioning after burnout, relationship difficulties, workplace stress or becoming parents themselves. Others simply reach a point where old explanations such as “lazy”, “awkward”, “too sensitive” or “not trying hard enough” no longer feel accurate.
If you’ve found yourself wondering, “Could this explain why I’ve always felt different?”, you are not alone.
Feeling Different Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong
Everyone experiences the world differently. Some people are naturally introverted, highly sensitive, creative or unconventional. Feeling different does not automatically mean you have autism or ADHD.
However, if you’ve consistently experienced challenges that seem difficult to explain, despite trying your best, it may be worth exploring further.
Many neurodivergent adults describe feeling as though they have spent years trying to “fit in” without fully understanding why it feels so exhausting. Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with me?”, it can be more helpful to ask, “Could there be another explanation for my experiences?”
Could It Be Autism?
Autism is far more complex than common stereotypes suggest. It isn’t simply about avoiding eye contact or disliking social situations. Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference that influences how a person experiences communication, relationships, routines and sensory information.
Every autistic person is unique, but some adults may recognise experiences such as:
Feeling that social interactions require conscious effort or “performing”
Needing time alone to recover after socialising
Feeling overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, certain fabrics or crowded environments
Preferring routines and finding unexpected changes particularly stressful
Developing deep interests that become an important source of enjoyment and comfort
Finding it difficult to understand implied meanings, sarcasm or unspoken social expectations
Feeling as though you’ve spent much of your life acting or masking in order to fit in
Many autistic adults, particularly women, become highly skilled at masking. They learn to hide behaviours that may draw attention and consciously adapt to social expectations. While this can help them fit in, it often comes at the cost of emotional exhaustion and burnout.
Could It Be ADHD?
ADHD is also widely misunderstood. It is not simply about being unable to sit still or pay attention.
Many adults with ADHD can focus intensely on activities they enjoy but struggle to start or complete tasks that feel routine or overwhelming.
Some common experiences include:
Frequently forgetting appointments, deadlines or everyday tasks
Starting projects enthusiastically but struggling to finish them
Becoming completely absorbed in certain activities while losing track of time
Finding organisation and planning unusually difficult
Feeling mentally overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities
Acting impulsively or speaking before thinking
Constantly feeling as though you’re working much harder than everyone else simply to keep up
Many adults with ADHD have spent years believing they are lazy, careless or lacking discipline, when in reality they have been navigating differences in executive functioning.
Can You Have Both Autism and ADHD?
It is surprisingly common to recognise traits of both autism and ADHD.
Research has shown that autism and ADHD frequently occur together, and some people receive one diagnosis before later discovering they also meet the criteria for the other.
For example, someone may crave routine but struggle to maintain it because of ADHD. They may enjoy spending time with trusted friends while also finding social interactions mentally draining. They may be highly organised in one area of life but feel completely overwhelmed in another.
Because there is considerable overlap between the two conditions, understanding your experiences often requires looking at the whole picture rather than focusing on individual traits.
Why Are Many Adults Diagnosed Later in Life?
Many adults were never assessed as children because awareness of autism and ADHD was far more limited than it is today.
Some achieved good academic results, developed effective coping strategies or learned to mask their difficulties. Others, particularly girls and women, simply did not fit the stereotypes professionals expected to see.
As a result, many people grew up believing they were simply “different”. Some seek answers in their twenties or thirties. Others do not begin questioning their experiences until they become parents, start a demanding job, experience relationship difficulties or reach a point of burnout.
For many people, receiving a diagnosis is not about acquiring a label. Instead, it provides a framework that helps explain years of confusing experiences and allows them to understand themselves with greater compassion.
Why Autism or ADHD May First Look Like Anxiety
Some adults who are later diagnosed with autism or ADHD have previously received diagnoses such as Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder, depression or other mental health conditions.
This does not necessarily mean those earlier diagnoses were incorrect. Anxiety and depression commonly occur alongside autism and ADHD, and many neurodivergent individuals genuinely experience both.
However, the underlying neurodevelopmental differences may not always be recognised straight away.
For example, someone who avoids social situations may appear to have social anxiety, but they may also be feeling exhausted from years of masking or struggling to navigate complex social expectations. Similarly, chronic anxiety may develop after years of forgetting important tasks, feeling overwhelmed by everyday demands or constantly trying to compensate for executive functioning difficulties associated with ADHD.
Historically, autism and ADHD were under-recognised, particularly among girls, women and those who had developed effective coping strategies. As a result, more visible symptoms, such as anxiety, low mood and chronic stress, often became the primary focus of treatment.
A comprehensive assessment considers the bigger picture, including childhood experiences, lifelong patterns of behaviour and current difficulties. Rather than asking whether someone has anxiety or autism or ADHD, clinicians explore whether multiple conditions may be present and how they interact. Understanding the full picture can lead to more personalised support and treatment.
Self-Reflection Is Not the Same as Diagnosis
Reading about autism or ADHD can be validating, especially when many of the experiences resonate with you.
However, it is important to remember that many mental health conditions share similar characteristics. Anxiety, depression, trauma, chronic stress, sleep difficulties and other factors can all affect attention, emotional regulation, social confidence and day-to-day functioning.
While online articles, questionnaires and social media may encourage self-reflection, they cannot determine whether someone has autism or ADHD.
If your experiences have had a significant impact on your relationships, education, work or daily life, it may be worth speaking with a qualified psychologist. They can help you explore these questions in greater depth and determine whether a formal assessment may be appropriate.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Whether or not you eventually receive a diagnosis, understanding yourself is never a wasted journey. For many adults, recognising that there may be another explanation for why life has always felt more challenging brings a sense of relief, clarity and self-compassion.
How Counselling Can Help Neurodivergent Adults
Counselling does not need to be limited to crisis support. For adults exploring autism, ADHD or neurodivergence, therapy can provide a space to make sense of lifelong patterns with more compassion and less self-blame.
This may include understanding masking, burnout, emotional overwhelm, relationship difficulties, workplace stress, sensory needs, boundaries, routines or executive functioning challenges. Counselling can also help you decide whether a formal assessment may be useful and support you in adjusting after a recent diagnosis.
The goal is not to change who you are. It is to better understand how you function, what support you need, and how to build a life that feels more sustainable.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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You cannot know for certain from an article or online checklist alone. However, if you have experienced lifelong patterns with attention, social communication, sensory sensitivity, emotional regulation, routines or executive functioning, it may be worth speaking with a qualified mental health professional.
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Yes. Many adults were not assessed as children because awareness was more limited, especially for people who did well academically, learned to mask, or did not fit common stereotypes.
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Yes. Autism and ADHD can occur together. Some adults recognise traits of both, such as craving routine while struggling to maintain it, or enjoying social connection while also finding it draining.
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Anxiety can be the most visible difficulty, especially when someone has spent years masking, compensating, feeling overwhelmed or struggling with everyday demands. A comprehensive assessment looks at lifelong patterns, not only current symptoms.
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No. You do not need a formal diagnosis to begin exploring your experiences in counselling. However, if your difficulties significantly affect work, relationships, education or daily life, a formal assessment may be helpful.
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Yes. Counselling can help adults understand patterns such as masking, burnout, emotional overwhelm, relationship stress, workplace difficulties and self-criticism. It can also support people before or after a formal diagnosis.
If you’ve recognised yourself in this article, you do not have to figure it out alone. At The Counselling Place, I supportsadults exploring autism, ADHD and neurodiversity. Whether you are seeking clarity, considering an assessment or adjusting to a recent diagnosis, counselling can help you understand yourself with greater compassion. Book a session with me to start the conversation.
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