One of the most important but probably the most awkward conversation as parents we need to have with our children is on the topic of sex. In discussing the topic of sex, parents need to realize that it is not one conversation. Real sex education is a lifelong pursuit, talking to your kids about sex is a lifelong conversation. How can we tackle this discussion successfully?
Instead of having a one-off serious sit-down lecture, parents can use teachable moments (i.e., is an unplanned opportunity that arises where you have an ideal chance to offer insight to your child. A teachable moment is not something that you can plan for; rather, it is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized) and there are lots of opportunities to get this right, make mistakes, clarify and try again. However, you do need to be prepared in terms of what you would be speaking about.
It is important to give age-appropriate sex information. The below chart is helpful for parents to know when to deliver what.
Age 0-3 years old
• Physical contact (appropriate vs inappropriate touch)
• Exploring body parts
• Using accurate names
• Answering Questions –where do babies come from
Age 4-5 years old
• Accurate information
• Nudity
• Masturbation
• Playing doctor
Age 5-7 years old
• the body parts related to the sexual functions
• how babies are conceived and born
• puberty and how body will change
• menstruation
Age 8-12 years old
• the body parts related to the sexual functions
• how babies are conceived and born
• puberty and how body will change
• menstruation
• sexual intercourse
• family and personal guidelines
• birth control
• Sexually Transmitted Diseases and how they are spread (including AIDS, HIV)
• Masturbation
• homosexuality
If the sex education conversations had been done during the younger stages, during teens, the focus of the discussion is Sex vs Intimacy. It is important for the parents to be sharing your values while remembering that as your teen moves into young adulthood, he/she will make private decisions about sexuality. You will have no control over those decisions. For the Teens, it is important to listen to your parents and consider their opinions carefully, even as you express your own values. Their experiences and wisdom may help you to make difficult decisions; but in the end, the decisions are yours to make.
To conclude, the issue is less about the kid being ready to have the sex talk but the parents being ready to have the sex talk. The parents need to examine their own level of comfort (or discomfort and hang-ups), be armed with accurate, age-appropriate information, as well as the willingness to be approached on this topic. Please note that this topic is not taking place separate from the general context of the parent-child relationship. If as parents you are not having other conversations with your child on other topics, it is unlikely that you will be successful in having this conversation on this topic.
It is important to give age-appropriate sex information. The below chart is helpful for parents to know when to deliver what.
Age 0-3 years old
• Physical contact (appropriate vs inappropriate touch)
• Exploring body parts
• Using accurate names
• Answering Questions –where do babies come from
Age 4-5 years old
• Accurate information
• Nudity
• Masturbation
• Playing doctor
Age 5-7 years old
• the body parts related to the sexual functions
• how babies are conceived and born
• puberty and how body will change
• menstruation
Age 8-12 years old
• the body parts related to the sexual functions
• how babies are conceived and born
• puberty and how body will change
• menstruation
• sexual intercourse
• family and personal guidelines
• birth control
• Sexually Transmitted Diseases and how they are spread (including AIDS, HIV)
• Masturbation
• homosexuality
If the sex education conversations had been done during the younger stages, during teens, the focus of the discussion is Sex vs Intimacy. It is important for the parents to be sharing your values while remembering that as your teen moves into young adulthood, he/she will make private decisions about sexuality. You will have no control over those decisions. For the Teens, it is important to listen to your parents and consider their opinions carefully, even as you express your own values. Their experiences and wisdom may help you to make difficult decisions; but in the end, the decisions are yours to make.
To conclude, the issue is less about the kid being ready to have the sex talk but the parents being ready to have the sex talk. The parents need to examine their own level of comfort (or discomfort and hang-ups), be armed with accurate, age-appropriate information, as well as the willingness to be approached on this topic. Please note that this topic is not taking place separate from the general context of the parent-child relationship. If as parents you are not having other conversations with your child on other topics, it is unlikely that you will be successful in having this conversation on this topic.
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