Genuine love is a commitment. It exists with or without a loving feeling. It involves the will to extend oneself for the growth of your spouse. It is a choice rather than feeling. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. The person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present.
Given that love is a choice, it then addresses the issue of attraction to person other than our partner. Our feelings of love may be unbounded, but our capacity to be loving is limited. Therefore, we must choose the person on whom to focus our capacity to love and toward whom to direct our will to love. We will come into contact with attractive people continuously. As I have often told my clients, we are married not dead. It is a conscious decision to not put our energy into pursuing them.
The implication of “love is not a feeling” for couples who undergo marital therapy is that, it doesn’t matter where the starting point is for you as a couple: “used to be in love but fallen out of love”, “never been in love”, “still have a little love”.