Stolen Moments - How to Keep the Spark and Intimacy Alive after the Honeymoon Phase

by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor

During the initial stage of dating, aka the honeymoon phase, finding time as a couple seems effortless. However, once the honeymoon phase feelings begin to normalize and everyday life responsibilities catch up, finding time to be together can become a huge challenge for many couples. This is especially so for those who have the additional demands of children or demanding jobs.Top of Form Prioritizing couple time together is important for the relationship to remain strong, and to continue the closeness and intimacy.

So how can we have time for each other given the busy lives we have? Here are some suggestions in terms of ritual we can put in place in our lives as a couple. Whether you're navigating the challenges of parenthood or simply seeking to rekindle the flame, these insights aim to guide you on the journey of sustaining love beyond the initial honeymoon phase.

1. Leave-Taking & Reunions

Consider not leaving in the morning without knowing at least one thing that is going to happen in your partner’s life. When you come back home, greet each other with an affectionate kiss or deep hug.

2. Mealtimes & After-Meal Coffee or Tea

Come together at meals and share the events of the day. Each person gets a chance to talk. Make meals an environment of peace, affection, support and attention. Do not have your argument or conflicting discussion during dinners. After meal, one person makes coffee or tea and bring them out to the living room or balcony where you can talk for half an hour or an hour, relaxing with each other.

3. Establishing Rituals

Consider implementing morning rituals or bedtime rituals into your daily routine. Instead of mornings being a chaotic time of getting ready, focus on sending everyone off with positive wishes and a good spirit, or maybe you never want to leave the house without saying “I love you” to each other.

At night, rituals may look different again. Going to bed creates opportunity for cuddling and physical affection. You may also use the time to debrief about the day with each other or to have some deep conversations.

4. Dates and Getaways

Ensure you have weekly dates and weekend getaway at least 3 times a years. These are times when the couple do something alone, without kids, focusing on each other without the stress and responsibilities of everyday life.

5. Contact Throughout the Day

Keep each other in mind throughout the day. It does not have to be anything long and elaborate. Send a photo of something interesting you saw during the day, a short “how’s your lunch?” or “I miss you” text message, or a call to say “I’m at the taxi stand on my way home, see you soon!”. Virtual flirting is also a welcomed break.

6. Team up on your to-do list

Talk and have a laugh while doing household chores such as folding laundry, doing the dishes, etc. Run errands together, and in the car, either turn off the radio and chat, or turn up the volume with both belting out your favourite songs.

7. Prioritize Intimacy

Intimacy evolves as the relationship matures. Prioritize both emotional and physical intimacy, adapting to each other's changing needs. A great way to incorporate intimacy into a busy schedule is by showering together. It not only saves time and water, but it can also spice up your sex life. Use your shower time together to admire your partner and to express your admiration for them. Showering together does not have to lead to sexual acts to be intimate.

8. Explore Shared Interests

Rediscovery lies in shared interests. Couples can explore new hobbies together or rekindle old passions, fostering a sense of adventure and excitement in the relationship. Engaging in activities both partners enjoy creates lasting memories and deepens the bond.
You may choose to work out together - be it going to the gym, attending Pilates, or going on a slow stroll after dinner. Maybe you are both interested in learning a new language or to become a master at pottery. The options are endless!

9. Quality over Quantity

In the midst of hectic schedules, prioritize quality over quantity. Make the most of the time you have, whether it's a brief moment in the morning or a longer evening together. You may not always be able to stick to your routines or intended weekly couple plans due to unforeseen work, paren Focus on being present and fully engaged during these moments.

10. Navigating Parenting

Parenthood introduces a new set of challenges to finding couple time. Yet, it's crucial to schedule dedicated moments for each other, even amidst the chaos of child-rearing. A quiet evening after the kids are asleep or a weekend getaway can rejuvenate the connection.
The demands of parenthood require a united front. Approach parenting as a team, sharing responsibilities and supporting each other in the challenges it brings. A collaborative approach enhances the resilience of the couple, fostering a sense of togetherness.
Merge family and couple time by incorporating family-friendly activities. Balancing the needs of children with the desire for couple time creates an environment where the relationship thrives, and the family unit is strengthened.