We continue to look at challenges new parents face to stay focus as a couple.
Challenge 4: Sex
How soon couples resume having sex depends on the mother’s physical and emotional readiness. In the early months, men usually have their normal sex drive but women may not due to estrogen levels being low during breastfeeding as well as having had their physical intimacy needs already being met by affections with their child(ren). It’s difficult to be sexual when you lack energy, time, and are not connected to each other.
Solution: Make a decision to not let this aspect of relationship go. Make time, space, and preparation for it. Be prepared that it may not be as spontaneous before children. Be creative and opportunistic.
Challenge 5: Difference in Opinion
Unless you are the rare couple who had discussed parenting styles, expectations, and values prior to the arrival of children. You will find that your differences in parenting can get quite heated. Even if you have discussed parenting before hand, reality and practice may be very different from what you imagined.
Solution: Agree to develop parenting styles together. You do not have to parent exactly the same as you are both different individuals, but having consistency and agreement in general principal on important issues. Be patient with each other, give each other the freedom and flexibility to find their style of parenting, and never stop talking to each other.
Challenge 6: Inability/Unwillingness to Leave your Child(ren)
Be it due to logistics and practicality that we feel we are unable to leave our child(ren), or our fear that some harm would come to our child(ren) if we are not there 24/7, or it’s our inability to pull away from the joy of being with our children. This inability/unwillingness to leave your child(ren) will have a negative impact on your child, yourself, your partner, and your couple relationship.
Solution: Understand that having other people interacting and in your child(ren)’s life is important for their development and growth. Do your due diligence in checking out the care-taker or care environment to pick someone you can trust. Even if the other care-taker(s) are not as competent as we expect them to be, know that it is unlikely for your child to come to actual harm. Even if your child(ren) may suffer some harm (no child(ren) had ever grown up not having some injuries or accident), know that firstly that too can happen even in your care and secondly, they will eventually be fine.
Challenge 7: In-Law Invasion
While you may be able to avoid your partner’s parents, you would be less successful in avoiding your child(ren)’s grandparents. Invasion can be in the form of unscheduled visits, demands for more time with child(ren), giving unsolicitated advice, interference of parenting issues, etc.
How soon couples resume having sex depends on the mother’s physical and emotional readiness. In the early months, men usually have their normal sex drive but women may not due to estrogen levels being low during breastfeeding as well as having had their physical intimacy needs already being met by affections with their child(ren). It’s difficult to be sexual when you lack energy, time, and are not connected to each other.
Solution: Make a decision to not let this aspect of relationship go. Make time, space, and preparation for it. Be prepared that it may not be as spontaneous before children. Be creative and opportunistic.
Challenge 5: Difference in Opinion
Unless you are the rare couple who had discussed parenting styles, expectations, and values prior to the arrival of children. You will find that your differences in parenting can get quite heated. Even if you have discussed parenting before hand, reality and practice may be very different from what you imagined.
Solution: Agree to develop parenting styles together. You do not have to parent exactly the same as you are both different individuals, but having consistency and agreement in general principal on important issues. Be patient with each other, give each other the freedom and flexibility to find their style of parenting, and never stop talking to each other.
Challenge 6: Inability/Unwillingness to Leave your Child(ren)
Be it due to logistics and practicality that we feel we are unable to leave our child(ren), or our fear that some harm would come to our child(ren) if we are not there 24/7, or it’s our inability to pull away from the joy of being with our children. This inability/unwillingness to leave your child(ren) will have a negative impact on your child, yourself, your partner, and your couple relationship.
Solution: Understand that having other people interacting and in your child(ren)’s life is important for their development and growth. Do your due diligence in checking out the care-taker or care environment to pick someone you can trust. Even if the other care-taker(s) are not as competent as we expect them to be, know that it is unlikely for your child to come to actual harm. Even if your child(ren) may suffer some harm (no child(ren) had ever grown up not having some injuries or accident), know that firstly that too can happen even in your care and secondly, they will eventually be fine.
Challenge 7: In-Law Invasion
While you may be able to avoid your partner’s parents, you would be less successful in avoiding your child(ren)’s grandparents. Invasion can be in the form of unscheduled visits, demands for more time with child(ren), giving unsolicitated advice, interference of parenting issues, etc.
RSS Feed
