Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
By Ho Shee Wai
Director/Registered Psychologist
Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Are you someone who tends to worry about everything? Do you want to learn how to focus on living your live to the fullest? How can you achieve that with the support of a Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist?
Don’t Worry!
Definition of worry
Worry is defined as “a chain of thoughts and images, negatively affect-laden and relatively uncontrollable. The worry process represents an attempt to engage in mental problem-solving on an issue whose outcome is uncertain but contains the possibility of one or more negative outcomes”.
Why do we worry?
We all worry at times about actual or potential problems. Why do we worry? Worrying is our brain’s way to prepare and anticipate for bad things happening. Moderate amount of worry is positive in that it helps us take precaution and avoid risky behaviours. Worrying becomes a problem when it distracts us from focusing on the solution or built our anxiety so high that it paralyzes us from taking actions. Worry that is too intense, too frequent, and too unrelenting can definitely cut down on our happiness and enjoyment of life. It can even impact our physical health.
When does worry becomes unhealthy?
Unhealthy worry is when it goes beyond concern and reasonable motivation to protect ourself and makes us miserable. It involves negative and obsessive thinking, doubt, physical anxiety, and fear. This type of worry is actually a symptom of other problems that becomes a problem in itself.
What’s behind these unhealthy worries?
Unhealthy worry is related to our fear of the future, our own inadequacy, negative consequences that might happen, and ultimately pain and death. It is us trying to gain control of the unpredictable and unsafe world that we feel we live in. It pertains to our Image, wanting to be perceived by the world as we wish; and desiring to see ourselves as we want to be seen, often “Perfect”.
What can we do about our worries?
We need to distinguish between worries that is irrational and counterproductive vs real and goal-directed worries. Learn to listen to what our worries is trying to teach us about the situation or problem. We do need to relinquishing our illusions of control, accepting our relative powerlessness over life and death, and accepting ourselves as we are.
What can we do to relieve our worries or anxiety?
Self-help tools
Some practical steps that we can take to relieve our worries or anxiety:
Positive Thinking – Look for the opportunity instead of the negative
Task Oriented – Set your mind on the goals and tasks at hand. Feel good about your efforts and accomplishments
Accept Yourself – Don’t be self-critical. If there is something you want to change, then change it. If you don’t know how, get help
Be Flexible – Not everything is black and white. Be open to the grey area of things.
Be Present – Worry is the act of becoming immobilized in the present moment as a result of things that are going, or are not going, to happen in the future. Live in the moment, focus on what’s happening now!
Nurture Yourself – Take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Take time to regularly do activities that you enjoy and be with people who build you up
Counselling, therapy, or psychotherapy
A Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist is able to combat your tendency to worry. There are many approaches when dealing with worry in counselling, therapy, or psychotherapy. If your Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist takes a CBT approach, they will focus on helping you identify how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors interact with one another when you are worrying. If your Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist takes an ACT approach, they will focus on you accepting the potential negative outcome(s) of what you may be worrying about and commit to take actions to deal with this potential reality. If your Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist takes an EMDR treatment approach, they will be getting you to focus on a picture of what you are worrying about and using bilateral stimulation, reduce your level of distress related to that, and help change your negative beliefs about yourself to positive ones.
Medication
There are a variety of medication that can help with your worry or anxiety. There are quick acting ones (works within 30 minutes) that you can use to get through a specifically stressful situation or moment (e.g., Xanax). Antidepressant are sometimes prescribed which would take 4-6 weeks for symptoms relief.
Relaxation
There are a number of relaxation, mindfulness, and breathing techniques which can help when you are in a state of worry. Doing relaxation, mindfulness, and breathing techniques are effective due to the fact that your body cannot both be in a state of relaxation and worry at the same time.
Postpone worry
Many people feel the need to worry in anticipation of a potential negative event/outcome occurring. The most cited reason for that is that they feel that they will be mentally prepared and the negative event/outcome will not impact them as much. However, the reality is, if the feared negative event/outcome does occur, we will feel all the full range of emotions related to it. Therefore, the worry leading up to it is in fact wasted time/life. A easy example is if you know that you will for sure die in 3 days, would you spend the 3 days worrying so that you are prepared; or will you be living your last 3 days to fullest. Nothing else in life trump dying.
Be Happy!
The title of the blog has 2 parts: don’t worry, be happy. Just because we are not worrying doesn’t mean we are happy. Being happy is not dependent on whether there are good or bad things happening in our life. Being happy means the ability to be content regardless of what’s happening in our life, both externally or internally. Contentment is the degree to which we perceive our wants are being met. It involves a cognitive judgment in which perceptions of life as it is are compared with notions of how life should be. We can’t control how life as it is, but we can control our notions of how life should be – “this is not exactly what I imaging how things turn out, but it’s ok!”